Can you concentrate on how much you love someone?

“I cannot concentrate on how much I love you when you’re mad at me.”    

These were the words of a 40’ish year old man during a hypnosis session for stress, just two weeks ago.  

The winter holidays are a time for merry-making and family get-togethers, but it can have its pressures too. Can you hear it? Is it the sound of holiday festivities? Or is it the sound of a relationship crashing under the strain and stress that sometimes occurs during the holidays? At this time of the year, the wrap up, there is an assortment of anticipation, joy and stress. Relationships will be tested.

For a new relationship, it can become a time of a test of commitment and unity. The question of “What should I buy for this someone I have not dated long, but who may become special to me? Should I include him/her in the family gift giving or extend an invitation to the holiday or the New Year’s dinner?

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Arriving at the “wrong” answer to such questions may result in you becoming a holiday statistic. The end-of-year holidays hold precarious moments for less stable and also substantial relationships including marriages.  January is usually the coldest month of the year, and, actually, the coldness of the air can go beyond the temperature. According to Psychology Today, the first month of the year is reportedly the most popular time of year to file for divorce.  This may occur because the holidays are over and people want a new start with the New Year.

Couples who have been preparing to break up may not elect to transfer their own personal distractions upon their families and friends during the holidays. Others anticipate that maybe their situation or their partner’s conduct will be transformed; but when there are no changes, they choose for dissolution.  The holidays are hectic, and relationship issues can come into sharper focus when stressed-out couples spend more time together.

During this particular hypnosis session together, I had this young man regress back in time to relive the simple loving presence in specific moments of his current relationship.  This works well as hypnosis and holiday regression are quite natural at this time of year. You may have experienced this yourself progressing from childhood towards becoming a well-functioning, self-sufficient adult and responsible member of society. But how many times does that comes to a standstill for a week or so and we feel like a child again when we are involved in a family gathering? This is holiday hypnosis. And I used holiday hypnosis to go in the opposite direction during this session.

We began to review triggers in his relationship and began to recognize how they had affected the relationship.

For this gentleman, one trigger we used was:

Each time you find yourself in a foul mood and ready to pick a fight with your partner, think back to the exact moment you first began to feel negative. What triggered the shift? Understand these triggers are enabling you to respond differently. Past hurts are causing you to slip into knee-jerk reactions to something your partner says or does.”

During the holiday and through the upcoming year, take responsibility for your role in a disagreement or a difference.   As you recognize parts of an old pattern, watch for these triggers and shift your energy toward one more positive.